My experience of losing my two beloved pets, Toby and Milly within 6 months of each other has shattered me. My pets meant the world to me- they were my loyal companions who provided me with so much joy and love over many years. They were the sunshine in my life- always happy to see me, never judgmental and never far from my side. They truly made my world a better place and while I know time will ease the pain a little, a part of my heart has gone with them forever. We shared an irreplacable bond that will live on in my memory but there are no words to properly describe how empty I feel.
Sadly, the human species has a longer lifespan than most domestic animals which means that during our lifetime we are likely to face the loss of several pets. The bond formed with our pets is so strong that nearly all will experience deep, intense sadness and for some owners it can be truly devastating. I have gained enormous comfort from the words of support and tributes that have been posted on the Toby The Wonderdog Facebook page. Many of the contributions have been from people who have experienced the grief of losing their own pet and they understand the enormity of the loss. Other people have shared how terrified they are of losing their pet because they know that they will one day have to experience this. There is a really caring community of people who really understand the power of our pets in our lives.
Until relatively recently, the intensity of grief at the loss of a pet had not been recognised by society. The support and understanding dispensed to people grieving for a family member or friend was not available to those grieving for the loss of their animal companion.Often friends and family suggest getting another pet immediately to ‘take his place’. For some pet owners the presence and companionship of another pet may ease the loss, yet for others it may be some considerable time before they feel ready to take another pet into their home. No pet is ever replaced, only new pets welcomed.
The loss of a pet may not always be due to death. Owners can experience the same emotions when their pet strays or is stolen and the grief can often be heightened by not knowing the outcome for the pet.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no set time to stop grieving. Most importantly it is OK to grieve for a pet.
Grieving is individual. Some people grieve openly, others grieve in private, and some feel guilty about grieving so deeply for an animal.
Sadness, loneliness, depression and tears are all natural reactions to loss - including the loss of a pet.
The initial reaction to loss is numbness, shock or disbelief. During this stage the pet owner may seem to cope but the grief will move through emotions such as anger and depression before acceptance.
Anger is often directed at the veterinarian who treated or euthanased the pet. There is a stage of ‘what if’ where the owners agonizes over whether or not the pet should have been euthanased, or options for treatment. Sometimes, especially in the case of very old pets, the owner is aware that there were no options but they still experience this stage of grieving. There can be feelings of guilt over euthanasia.
Grief is a series of ups and downs. Finding a toy or expecting to find the pet in its favourite place may cause a setback.
Most owners, with the support of family and friends, will cope with loss and eventually reach a stage of acceptance where they remember the good times with their pet and although they still miss him or her, the intensity of the loss fades.
Some owners may be comforted by making arrangements with a pet cemetery or cremation service and veterinarians and services like Pets at Peace www.petsatpeace.com.au/ will offer compassionate advice. Having somewhere to pay tribute to the deceased pet can help bring closure.
Owners who feel that they are not coping or have no support from friends or family may benefit from talking to someone who can provide support and guidance. Dr David Foote is a veterinarian who provides bereavement counseling for pet owners and consultations can be done on the phone www.davidfoote.com.au/
It is a compliment to our pets that we experience such intense emotions at their loss but also a compliment that most of us gained so much pleasure from their companionship that we eventually feel ready to welcome another pet into our life. I am really looking forward to the day when I know that I am ready for some new fur-kids as I think pets really make a house a home.